Articles

The Hidden Dynamics in Life, in Love and in Leadership

The articles on this page are designed to illuminate the hidden dynamics that can entangle us, limiting our capacity to live, love or lead.  They are designed to illuminate hidden loyalties, re-include who and what has been excluded and offer fresh paths to lasting resolutions.

The articles are listed in alphabetical order. The first third of each can be previewed by everyone, by following the links. Access to the full article is available for all community members.

ADHD in young men

Sometimes there is a hidden message in the labels we give certain conditions. With ADHD there is an assumption that it is the child who has the deficit of attention. A systemic perspective illuminates other possible causes.

Read the article here

Adoption

There are a wide variety of experiences in adoption – for those who are adopted, for the birth parents and the adoptive family system. For some the experience leaves them feeling resourced and settled.

For others it can be an experience of abandonment, of not being able to find where they belong, feeling not good enough or fearing that someone else will leave, not choose them, or give them away. This creates a challenging existential tension that affects life, intimate relationships and work.

This article explores the complex dynamics around adoption and offers ways of restoring balance and a sense of place for everyone.

Read the article here

Affairs of the heart
Relationships outside of a marriage or other bond of commitment are a consistent pattern through human evolution and have coloured the history books, politics and cultures of many civilisations.

Why do human beings find it hard to be faithful to a promise of fidelity? Are affairs really ‘of the heart’, or is something else going on?

What hidden dynamics may cause infidelity and the pain it so often produces? This article explores these complex questions, offering a systemic perspective.

Read the article here

You can explore the dynamics around affairs in a constellation workshop setting. For the next workshop on this subject please explore here.

Being a good ancestor
One day someone will look back and find you in their history. You will have a reputation and people will share opinions about you. How do you want to be remembered, what will your legacy be?

Read the article here
Forgiveness
Understandably many people try and ‘forgive and forget’ but some are left with unresolved hurt, hidden anger or feel privately entangled and resentful. It seems that, despite all the books, advice and religious practices based on the idea of forgiveness it rarely has the desired impact and those involved remain caught in painful, often repeating patterns.

This article explores an alternative perspective on forgiveness and offers a fresh path to resolution and growth.

Read the article here

Founders

Founders require a great deal of energy to create and then sustain a business.

That energy is sometimes connected to their sense of place, or lack of it, in their family-of-origin.

This article explores that and other dynamics and patterns around founders that can emerge as a result of the innate drive to belong.

Read the article here

For the next workshop on this subject please explore here.

Joining and leaving
Social, organisational and professional systems are held, just like family systems, in delicate balance. The true culture is a product of all the people who have been members, their giving and taking, all the events in the history of the system and the way people join and leave.

Joining and leaving is an often overlooked area in social change, leadership and many coaching and organisational development interventions. However they are crucial moments to pay attention to in a system’s evolution and when not done with respect can entangle social groups, countries, organisations, teams and individuals in challenging and limiting dynamics for years.

Read the article here

For the next workshop on this subject please explore here.

Men and their mothers

Mothers are the source of life, of love and of leadership.

If a man’s mother was not available, or he rejects her, or gets recruited and becomes entangled, then he may find aspects of life, intimate relationships and leadership challenging.

This article explores some of the many dynamics that can develop between mother and son. It offers insight into those that limit the flow of life and work and suggests how the dynamics may be softened.

Read the article here

Meanwhile, for the next workshop on this subject, please explore here.

Money

Our relationship with money is often complex, entangled and confused.

This article illuminates some of the many patterns, projections and dynamics in our relationship with money and explores ways of allowing the benefits of abundance and money into our lives, without guilt or confusion.

Regular workshops are offered on this subject.

Please see this page for the next MONEY workshop and this page for a recent article on Linkedin.

Organisational health
Organisational health emerges when the system is free to balance and align itself with the organising principles that sustain systems. All systems are attempting to achieve that alignment, however human actions that inadvertently ignore or violate the organising principles limit this balancing. As a result many leadership styles lead to complex and challenging organisational dynamics, cultures and behaviours that restrict the flow of leadership, the effectiveness of teams and individuals.

When the underpinning principles of systems are taken into account in the recruitment, retention, leadership and departure of individuals and teams, organisational health is possible and everyone can find their place, make their contribution.

The article begins to illuminate this subject.

Read the article here

Pain travels
Every family system has difficulties within it, that’s inevitable – as is the willingness to carry and repeat it. Behaviour and reactions that can seem strange to others often develop. ‘Better I carry it’, we think, ‘so that I belong and are part of my family’, than to break the pattern. However, resources also travel through systems.

Read the article here

Perfectionism

Individuals who describe themselves, or are described by others, as ‘perfectionist’ may be expressing a natural innate personalty preference that has become exaggerated due to stress. They may however also be caught in a systemic dynamic that began long before them.

This short article explores the roots of these kind of dynamics and offers insights into their resolution.

Read the article here

Presence
We can spend a lot of time trying to be present, but some practices inadvertently take us away from ourselves. This piece explores some of the things we may want to attend to if we seek lasting presence, so we can live fully.

Read the article here

Rest and sleep
People are sleeping less often, less well and for less time.

Whilst we busy ourselves in our individual and collective attempts to override the natural circadian rhythms, ‘solutions’ come from all sides and include the use of sleeping pills and other ways of regulating the heart rate, blood pressure, energy or anxiety levels.

However, these medications are designed to act on the symptom, rather than the underlying cause held within the system.

Read the article here

Romanticism
In some people the search for a romantic relationship can repeat throughout their adult lives. This can be distracting and destructive but there are ways of illuminating and working on the underlying dynamics that soften their effect and release the individual to create different relationship patterns.

This article explores this complex subject through a systemic lens.

Read the article here

You can also explore the dynamics around romanticism in a constellation workshop setting. For the next workshop on this subject please explore here.

Secret orders
We humans belong within multiple overlapping relational fields, in relationship systems. These relational fields are governed by hidden, but natural, ordering forces. It is only because we are so busy exerting our ego and willpower, that we fail to notice them. However they influence every aspect of our life, our love and our leadership.

Read the article here

Size matters
When you were a small baby you tuned in deeply to the nervous system of your mother. And then your father. 

If you sensed that something was needed of you then you would have been pulled, like a fragment of metal towards a magnet, into a place in that system that wasn’t yours.

As a result you’ll have soon learnt how to act as if you were occupying a different place and had to do so from a different relative size.

Read the article here

The body remembers
Nobody escapes some wounding and everybody experiences some kind of shock, usually multiple shocks, as a child. As we move into adult life these can be triggered and amplified.

Because our mind splits off the experiences, the traumas are held in the body and the embodied effects can reverberate for years causing low level, chronic conditions that limit the flow of life, of love and of leadership.

This short article offers an introduction to this large subject.

Read the article here

Trumped by trauma

If you want to think ‘systemically’ you are, by definition, working and looking from a multi-generational perspective. After all, we are all born into an ongoing family system drama in which each generation passes on something to the next.

Donald Trump was born – like all of us – into a complex family system. His ancestral field had difficulties and resources in it, just as mine and yours does.

Donald’s mother moved from a remote and isolated Scottish island, aged 17, to America in 1930 to find better opportunities in ‘the land of the free’.

The rest, as they say, is history. But his-story that is built on trauma and Donald’s survival strategy is one that influenced the whole world. 

Read the article here

Women and their mothers

Women with a secure and trustful relationship with their mother may find that life and love flow with ease and that intimate relationships with men and friendships with other women are nourishing and enjoyable.

Women who have not been so fortunate are likely to have more complex relationships with men, with other women and themselves.

This article explores the dynamics between daughters and their mothers and offers insights into the restoration of a better balance where that is desired.

The article was published on mothers day 2020

Read the article here

For the next workshop on this subject please explore here.

Working with founders
Working with founders is a complex but rewarding area because you are working with the ‘parent’ of the organisational system and so at the source. It is from this place that systemic change can be most effectively achieved and organisational health can emerge and endure.

When working with a founder or team of founding partners it can be important to have some insight into the many systemic dynamics that are available to resource them, but may also hold them back.

The journey from start up to grown up is a challenging one and founders need a particular kind of support from their coaches and consultants to travel on their personal and professional journeys to lasting success.

Read the article here

For the next workshop on this subject please explore here.

Please Note:  All the articles are now available exclusively through the online community HERE.

You will be welcome to join us


Subject requests

If there is a particular area of life, of personal relationships or life at work that interests you and that you would like me to add to the growing list above please tell me here, in no more than twenty words, and I will endeavour to write and upload an article on each as time allows. JW

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